When I was putting my son to sleep an hour ago, I was reminded again on how lucky I am to be gifted with a loving son. He may not be perfect to others, but he is perfect in my eyes and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have asked for more.
My son was holding my hand tightly and I can see that he is afraid that I would be gone when he wakes up the next day. And recently he has been asking me “Mamy, ma zai khi to lok?” (Mommy, where are we going tomorrow?) before he sleeps. It probably gives him an assurance that I will be there when I told him our plans for tomorrow.
My heart aches whenever I think about the emotional roller coaster that he has to go through at such tender age. What was on his mind whenever I told him that mommy is leaving for work tomorrow? He probably doesn’t understand the why his mommy needs to go to work yet. But hopefully he will be able to understand that mommy is deeply saddened too whenever mommy has to leave. And every time mommy leaves, she left with tears falling from her eyes.
Back in KL, friends and colleagues would have told me how lucky I was because I have all the free time to myself after work as my son is with my mom in Butterworth and I only see them once a month. Truthfully, if I have a choice, if we are more financially stable, I would have bring them back to stay with me in KL or I would rather move back to my small hometown to be with them.
That got me think about how funny life perspectives can be, one simple action or choice can mean so much different to people. It may look good on one hand but it may be a torture on the other. And we may never know what it is like unless we experience both sides ourselves. Which is why, it is important to always put ourselves in others’ shoes and I need to keep in mind to not judge people on the decision that they made as deep down, there must be a valid reason why they would make such decision.